Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Okinawa Yard Sales. For some reason having a real yard or garage sale is not allowed for the military members that are stationed in Okinawa, Japan. Instead someone created a website for selling that stuff that people don't want anymore. While I don't understand why you can't set up a few tables in your own yard to sell your stuff, I think that sharing your items online for everyone scattered all over the island is a great idea. It even works for people like me, who want to sell things that you made yourself.

I only posted on OYS a couple of times but I received quite a few orders very quickly. My shop on Etsy hasn't been much of interest since I finally took the plunge to open it on the first day of this year. I haven't painted anything in a couple of months and I'm ready to work on something. I knew that I could still post on OYS even though I don't live there anymore. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now but I've been afraid to for fear of any negative feedback from people who like to throw around their two cents whenever they don't like something. But why should I care?

I don't. So last night I reactivated my old account and put up a listing for my work. I woke up this morning to a reply sitting in my inbox, and another one hiding in my spam folder! I am already overwhelmed haha. I don't like having more than one order at a time because each one takes a couple of weeks to complete. I wrote back to both of them so hopefully they will follow through!

Saturday, May 12, 2012


It takes everything I have to forget that you exist when I am awake. Yet you still find me when I am most vulnerable, raping my mind while I sleep and I am helpless to stop you. Bound and gagged. You pretend to be my friend, let me get close to you. I wake up and you are gone. I am tortured and bruised. I hate you. Please just stay out of my head.

Friday, May 11, 2012


Our hometown. All we want is to get there and start life over. We've been stumbling around in limbo for a year now and we are supposed to keep doing it for another two years. Tim is at least working towards our goal. But me...I'm just taking up space. Cleaning, cooking, constantly yelling at the kids so someone else won't. I need a paying job. I need an associate's degree. I'm wasting time and slowly throwing my dream away, sitting in the shadows and watching everyone around me being real people.

Tim finished his spring semester last week and will no longer pursue engineering. He started a welding class a few weeks ago and is excelling, naturally. Yet he is advancing at a rate that his teacher thinks is too fast and that he should slow down. I understand that his teacher is surprised and not used to it, but I see no reason to try holding him back. He will still be just as well at a slower pace so just let him go and do what he's good at.

This same teacher will be gone for two weeks to teach a class elsewhere. That elsewhere just happens to be in Troy, Ohio. Our hometown. Where we are supposed to be right now. The connection is what has me thinking about all this. All of this thinking and wanting is very heavy. And tiring. I just want to lay down and sleep until it's over and done with.

He will be teaching at Hobart, the leading company in the field that Tim is aiming for. So they have classes. Classes that Tim could start taking. If only we were ready to stand on our own feet. I just want to throw down the crutches and run. If only it were that easy. One step at a time. Every inch gets you closer. I'm staring at the path, deciding where to put my foot next.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Sad Bad Day

I started my day VERY depressed. Then I sprinkled a little irritability on top for some extra flavor. SIGH.

Tim and Will are gone. Wil.Liam came to visit us all this week and Tim took him back to Ohio yesterday morning. I hate it when Tim is gone and it is even worse this time because I didn't want Will to leave either. We hung out a lot and I hope that he comes back again in the summer. I wanted to eat more than I did and craft today but just couldn't get my heavy heart up off the floor. So of course that just made the kids being their usual selves even more annoying. I've just wanted to do nothing but sit alone in my room and stare at this screen all day long. Dinner time just made things worse. I'm always still hungry after dinner, but that's better than eating everything on the table.

I didn't get another vet job that I interviewed for. I really thought that I had this one for sure! They said maybe in the summer. Yeah okay. So I feel like shit for not being able to find a job. And my Etsy shop has failed so far. Someday I will be good enough, right???

Sunday, April 1, 2012


It started with me finally taking Niko back to the vet about his nose, since he was overdue for his rabies shot anyways. The doctor thinks that Niko may have herpes in his nose and prescribed some tasty tuna flavored lysine gravy in a tube for the next few weeks to see what happens. If it helps then Niko will be taking it for the rest of his life. If it doesn't help then we can proceed with a biopsy. I'm not happy with paying $450 for such a simple surgery, but I have to remember that I don't have an employee discount like I did down in GA. The lysine definitely seems to help with all of his sneezes, snorts, and watering eyes and I think he actually likes taking it, but his breathing is still louder than a normal cat. It would be better also if I remembered to medicate him as often as directed. If we ever decide to see what a biopsy has to say, then hopefully I will be employed at a vet clinic that I have a working interview with tomorrow night!

Next came my birthday. THE birthday. The best decade of my life is now behind me. I'm thirty. I don't like it, but I sure as hell don't feel like I'm thirty. I still feel like I'm twenty, and every stranger that comments on my age says that they would've guessed me to be eighteen or twenty. So it's nice to know that I look an entire decade younger than I am and I look forward to that being the case for a very long time! We didn't do anything special. I hung out at home and cooked dinner as usual. Although I did get a handmade set of jewelry from MumMum...cute little blue it.

Then came Tim's birthday. It was a Saturday so we did go out on a date, dressed all in green for the holiday. I made an appointment to finally get my tattoo and then we went to eat sushi and watch John Carter. When we got home I made some green beer and Mum and I gave Tim a mint chocolate Klondike bar with a candle in it. Next year I plan to make green zebra brownies.

Now the appointment for my tattoo was fast approaching, and because of a conflict in schedules, I was trying to get it sooner than later. I finally got in touch with the shop right before Tim and I were about to just drive out there and walk in, hoping that evening was still available. They said they could do it so we went on as planned. Tim did NOT want to go and didn't get why I wanted him above anyone else to be there with me. This tattoo was a big deal to me, and laying on a table with my shirt pulled all the way up while a strange man stabs ink into my body for an hour wasn't something that I wanted to do all by myself. Of course it hurt a lot, but Wild Bill said that I handled it much better than a lot of dudes that get tattoos. So we had a really good experience and we both plan on going back to him for more work!

Lastly, the best part of all, I had an interview with an awesome veterinary hospital last week! I knew as soon as I talked to the manager on the phone to schedule my interview that this was going to go well. Then meeting with her was even better! She was so welcoming and friendly as soon as I walked in the door that I felt like I was already hired. We just chatted for a bit before we went back to an exam room to discuss the job. Instead of hounding me with a bunch of questions, she explained how things work there and what I would be doing. Then she gave me a tour and introduced me to the doctor, who also excitedly showed me their new digital xray machine. They talked amongst themselves in front of me about someone like I wasn't a stranger that just walked in the door. They have cats and a dog roaming the place freely, and photos of wild animals decorating the walls instead of cats and dogs like every other animal clinic...another huge plus! The hours of my shift would be perfect for Tim and I. They are a 24 hour hospital and tonight I have a working interview for four hours. I'm too excited and confident about this to be nervous! I'm already in love with this place and I hope they keep me! I could not possibly be more happy about the last vet I interviewed for not working out. That experience was the complete opposite of this one. Now, which pair of scrubs do I want to wear tonight??

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Winter Review

Wow it's been another long while since I've written. I always think about it but never get to it :( Ugh, I really want to try to update every weekend!

So here's a recap of my winter:

Tristan is FOUR now and very proud of it. He still likes to tell people that's he's four. I ordered his birthday cake this time and insisted on buttercream icing, NOT whipped. Apparently the lady didn't care what I wanted and thought that I should have what she and everyone else loves and gave me whipped icing anyways. I was so mad. I will never order from them again that's for sure.

I spent my Thanksgiving break away from my family here and went to Troy to wrap up my most important wedding plans. The Hayner decided to seriously screw me out of the Solarium I had picked out, AFTER I had made the trip just to do so. So I ended up with the Study and it worked out much better. A few people showed up that I didn't think would actually come, Kelle canceled at the last possible minute, and MumMum and Colely pulled off everything. I seriously could not have done this without them!! I do wish it could've lasted longer though.

There were SO many presents on xmas morning! The best part was Collie's reaction to the huge stuffed dog that she got! I'm pretty sure that moment can never be topped and she still loves her Goggie :D Her days and nights aren't complete without it. I think we need another one!

I dyed my hair dark again on New Year's Eve. It's lightened up quite a bit now and I'm thinking about adding black tips. Maybe pink. New Year's Day I FINALLY opened a shop on Etsy! I've gotten a lot of views so far but only a few favorites.

Tim has started his second full semester of school. We are both looking for jobs because his unemployment runs out this month. I hope that Tim finds something before I do because I really need to be the one to stay home and continue doing everything that I do here. I do most of the cooking and cleaning, and all of the parenting. None of that will be taken care of if I'm working outside of the house. Plus I'm trying to maintain an art business. It's been very steady so far but I have no orders after my current one. Though it will be nice to take a break for a couple weeks and just work on my own personal projects. Then I will be able to get a few new things in the shop :3

As grateful that I am for having this place to stay while Tim goes to school, getting our own place just can't come soon enough. Tristan is constantly being put down, and most of the time I am expected to find it funny. I don't. At all. Nobody cares?? I FUCKING CARE. I made this little person with all of his personality. And in the rare instances when I broke down and spanked him, running up next to me and repeatedly telling me I'm doing an "excellent" job while it's happening is in absolutely NO way appropriate. That's disturbing. I'm not proud of it, it's not a good thing, and it's definitely none of anyone's business but mine. Keep your hate and impatience to YOURSELF.

So overall, winter this season has been amazingly mild with very little snow, and I am really looking forward to spring! I have already seen baby Daffodils at the grocery store and I get excited and want to buy all of them. I can only resist for so long :D