Friday, May 11, 2012


Our hometown. All we want is to get there and start life over. We've been stumbling around in limbo for a year now and we are supposed to keep doing it for another two years. Tim is at least working towards our goal. But me...I'm just taking up space. Cleaning, cooking, constantly yelling at the kids so someone else won't. I need a paying job. I need an associate's degree. I'm wasting time and slowly throwing my dream away, sitting in the shadows and watching everyone around me being real people.

Tim finished his spring semester last week and will no longer pursue engineering. He started a welding class a few weeks ago and is excelling, naturally. Yet he is advancing at a rate that his teacher thinks is too fast and that he should slow down. I understand that his teacher is surprised and not used to it, but I see no reason to try holding him back. He will still be just as well at a slower pace so just let him go and do what he's good at.

This same teacher will be gone for two weeks to teach a class elsewhere. That elsewhere just happens to be in Troy, Ohio. Our hometown. Where we are supposed to be right now. The connection is what has me thinking about all this. All of this thinking and wanting is very heavy. And tiring. I just want to lay down and sleep until it's over and done with.

He will be teaching at Hobart, the leading company in the field that Tim is aiming for. So they have classes. Classes that Tim could start taking. If only we were ready to stand on our own feet. I just want to throw down the crutches and run. If only it were that easy. One step at a time. Every inch gets you closer. I'm staring at the path, deciding where to put my foot next.

1 comment:

  1. Raising kids is not all for naught Meghan. It's a heck of a lot, we just don't get the recognition as you would in a paying job. Don't give up! We are in a similar place right now. Trying to get our ducks in a row, before we can start our "real" life. But it'll go so quickly, I'm trying to just stop and enjoy whatever season we are in. Hope you can too, and things begin to shift to where you want them!