Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Okinawa Yard Sales. For some reason having a real yard or garage sale is not allowed for the military members that are stationed in Okinawa, Japan. Instead someone created a website for selling that stuff that people don't want anymore. While I don't understand why you can't set up a few tables in your own yard to sell your stuff, I think that sharing your items online for everyone scattered all over the island is a great idea. It even works for people like me, who want to sell things that you made yourself.

I only posted on OYS a couple of times but I received quite a few orders very quickly. My shop on Etsy hasn't been much of interest since I finally took the plunge to open it on the first day of this year. I haven't painted anything in a couple of months and I'm ready to work on something. I knew that I could still post on OYS even though I don't live there anymore. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks now but I've been afraid to for fear of any negative feedback from people who like to throw around their two cents whenever they don't like something. But why should I care?

I don't. So last night I reactivated my old account and put up a listing for my work. I woke up this morning to a reply sitting in my inbox, and another one hiding in my spam folder! I am already overwhelmed haha. I don't like having more than one order at a time because each one takes a couple of weeks to complete. I wrote back to both of them so hopefully they will follow through!

Saturday, May 12, 2012


It takes everything I have to forget that you exist when I am awake. Yet you still find me when I am most vulnerable, raping my mind while I sleep and I am helpless to stop you. Bound and gagged. You pretend to be my friend, let me get close to you. I wake up and you are gone. I am tortured and bruised. I hate you. Please just stay out of my head.

Friday, May 11, 2012


Our hometown. All we want is to get there and start life over. We've been stumbling around in limbo for a year now and we are supposed to keep doing it for another two years. Tim is at least working towards our goal. But me...I'm just taking up space. Cleaning, cooking, constantly yelling at the kids so someone else won't. I need a paying job. I need an associate's degree. I'm wasting time and slowly throwing my dream away, sitting in the shadows and watching everyone around me being real people.

Tim finished his spring semester last week and will no longer pursue engineering. He started a welding class a few weeks ago and is excelling, naturally. Yet he is advancing at a rate that his teacher thinks is too fast and that he should slow down. I understand that his teacher is surprised and not used to it, but I see no reason to try holding him back. He will still be just as well at a slower pace so just let him go and do what he's good at.

This same teacher will be gone for two weeks to teach a class elsewhere. That elsewhere just happens to be in Troy, Ohio. Our hometown. Where we are supposed to be right now. The connection is what has me thinking about all this. All of this thinking and wanting is very heavy. And tiring. I just want to lay down and sleep until it's over and done with.

He will be teaching at Hobart, the leading company in the field that Tim is aiming for. So they have classes. Classes that Tim could start taking. If only we were ready to stand on our own feet. I just want to throw down the crutches and run. If only it were that easy. One step at a time. Every inch gets you closer. I'm staring at the path, deciding where to put my foot next.