Thursday, January 31, 2013


Yesterday was very productive. I started the day by pulling out everything we have stored in the kids closet in search of more stuff to donate to Goodwill, and more importantly, finding my two packets of very important records and documents. Of course my precious folders were in the very last box in the whole house that I've looked in and I am so glad to have finally found them. In the last couple of days I have been able to empty out about seven boxes of trash and stuff to either donate or condense down into other boxes. We still have a lot of crap, mostly old papers and stuff from Japan that I'm not ready to part with quite yet, but it is definitely progress. Now all I need to do it find some sort of organizer for all of it so it's not just sitting in storage. I absolutely cannot wait to get a new book case for all of my books! Hopefully when we buy a house I will have my own special room or at least better space than what I have here.

Collie never felt bad again after her episode the other morning so I am glad that whatever it was did not stay with her. Tristan had a temperature yesterday and even took a nap late in the evening but he is back to normal again today.

Axl still has loose stool, which is mostly mucous. A thought occurred to me that maybe the problem is not our yard, but perhaps the dewormer that he received in December just did not kill all the worms in his body. He could have easily picked up worms from our travels to Troy or even the one time that we took him to the dog park in October. I do not remember how long it takes for an intestinal parasite infection to reveal itself as diarrhea and will have to ask the vet about it tomorrow when I get another Drontal pill. It does sometimes take two doses to clear out the infestation and I did not even think of that either.

I currently have two names that I need to paint letters for, which I stopped working on when I became depressed over our dire financial situation. Payday is tomorrow finally so I've been feeling better while looking forward to that but my creative motivational is still dead. I have plenty of time to finish them as I am doing them free for family members *edit: and they aren't due until May/June* and hopefully I can bring myself to get back to work soon. I have finished three other orders since moving here. Slow but steady, just the way I like it.

I really need to stop waiting until this late in the day to eat something!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Another Dark Hole

Being so completely poor right now makes me think of my parents. Every time we go through a hard financial time I always think of them. I hate that they have always lived this way. I hate that I didn't fully understand it when I was younger.

Recently a thought crossed my mind that I should not let Tristan know just how bad it is sometimes. But then I realized that I shouldn't just let him think that everything is always fine and that people never have to worry about money.

When I was in the ninth grade and didn't give a shit about my alcoholic mom and my solitary dad, I stole some money from my dad. My boyfriend had asked me for some money and I didn't question it. I reached into my dads coat pocket to see if I could find any money. I pulled out a wad of about eight hundred dollars. Not for a second did it occur to me to think about why my dad had that much or what it was for. I think I took half of it. My parents never said a word to me about it.

Every once in a while I think about this and it makes me sick to my stomach. Sick that I was naive and dated someone like that. Sick that I not only stole money from my parents but that I took so much of it. Sick that I got away with it. Sick that I now understand how poor my parents were and to this day I have not paid them back for it.

I just want to get out of this hole so I can breathe again.

Two sickies

Collie came into my room this morning crying that she was sick. She was hot, her lips were lightly blue, and she was having a hard time standing up. I asked her if she had thrown up or if she felt like she was going to, and she said no. But I heard her stomach gurgling and contracting and rushed her to the toilet. She tried to make herself throw up but could not get anything to come out, just a tiny but of spit on her lips. We went downstairs and I put her on the couch and she asked for water. She has been fine ever since, but seems to have a temperature coming and going today so far. I hope that she stays on the well side and does not get worse again, and that the rest of us don't get it.

Axl is sick as well. He woke me up twice throughout the night with an urgency to go outside. He has the runs again and is straining just like he was a few weeks ago right before we went to PA for christmas. I had taken him to the vet for a dewormer, although they did not find any evidence of worms since he could not provide a solid enough sample to test. I gave him the dewormer and he cleared right up. For this to be happening again, if worms are truly the culprit, means that they are in the yard. I don't think that there is any way to rid the yard of parasites, so I just need to start making sure that I clean up after Axl immediately after he goes out there, and start walking him more. The yard looks like hell since it is winter and Axl has torn it up a bit from running around. His urine does not help either. I need to spread out a lot of grass seeds or something to make it nice again when spring comes.

Monday, January 28, 2013


Wow, six months have gone by since my last entry and so much has happened!

Back in August the kids and I moved to Lexington Kentucky, following Tim three weeks after he came here to start a new job with Lockheed Martin. I was absolutely dreading having to live in the same state as Tim's mother, but I am a hell of a lot closer to my family and friends in Ohio. Everything was going great and we even bought a new car. But I knew that buying a new car would mean that something big and bad was going to happen, and I knew exactly what that was going to be. Then it happened. Tim lost his job.

In a scramble to keep the money flowing, Tim signed up to go to Afghanistan for one year. He managed to stay long enough for Tristan's fifth birthday, and we took him to the airport the very next day.

Two days later, I got a dog! I had given up my obsessive searching for the perfect dog, saying that I am trying too hard...the dog that I am meant to have will find ME. Right away a new friend sent me a link to a dog at a rescue right here in town. I looked at him for a few days and thought about it. Tim had approved since he was gone, and I fell in love with him as soon as I met him. His trial stay at our house went perfect and he has been part of the family ever since. He is young and has a lot to learn but he is very smart and want so much to please. So now I have three kids instead of two :D

Halloween and Thanksgiving were spent with my parents in Troy. Tim's mom caused me all sorts of problems and finally I told her off. She hasn't taken to it so I still just ignore her as much as I can. For Christmas we drove to PA and it was so nice to be out there again. By this time Tim had quit his job out there and had signed up with Lockheed Martin directly, as apposed to his temporary hire before. We got to Skype with him while opening presents on xmas morning. He had tried to come home secretly to surprise me, but that didn't work out at all and only created a bigger mess. Due to a snow storm I was stuck in PA for an extra day and then spent my 11th anniversary driving home to Troy, where we stopped for a break and everyone had wedding cake. It was just as amazingly delicious as it had been a year ago! The rest of the drive down to Lexington turned into a nightmare as I ended up in a white out and had to proceed extremely slowly, tired as hell, and scared that we might night make it that night. But I just kept trying, made it home late, and picked up Axl from boarding the next day.

A week later, I was hoping that Tim was back in the states as I had not heard from him in a few days. It was getting late in the evening on the day that I should have heard something and I had given up for the day. Then Axl started growling at the door a lot, and when I turned around there was Tim sticking his face in the window! Alex and Jess had picked him up the night before in Indiana and brought him down to our house. I almost feel like he wasn't even gone for as long as he was.

In other news, as I need to wrap this sister is pregnant and is having a boy!!! It is so weird. I never thought that she would ever have any children. She probably didnt either, but she had a fertility scare and decided to start trying. It took her a few months, and now she is due in May. I love buying her baby stuff :D

Well, the kids are still naked from their bath, Tim will be home soon, and I need to start preparing dinner. More later!