Crumbling

Tim failed his PT test a few weeks ago so the military started his discharge paperwork and said that he's got 42-90 days before he gets one last retest, though he will most likely get discharged even if he passes. So he's been going to the gym twice a day trying to shape up for his last test. He's also been working with a lawyer who is trying to draw out the process as long as possible because she is extremely against the new PT standards.
Today his shop called to let him know that the Commander has requested his EPR be turned in right away, speeding up the process. I was devastated a few weeks ago but quickly started focusing on the positives instead of worrying about things that I have no control over. Now today I hear this and Tim and I talked about it some more, and I'm so down right now I can't stand it. I hate feeling like this. Like I just want to go lay down and hurt for awhile. Both kids are napping so I thought that I would get some painting done on an important project that's been neglected due to the fact that it's just me taking care of the kids twenty four hours a day. I got everything ready to go...and just couldn't make myself paint. I'm too sad.
New thoughts are running through my head, like where we are gonna stay for awhile and how are we gonna get by with no money. We really don't have any family or friends to rely on. This is all just so scary right now. I'm mad at the military for kicking out damn good workers over a few sit ups. I'm mad at Tim for being too lazy to go to the gym a couple days a week so he wouldn't fail his test again. I hate being so helpless through this and worrying if we are gonna be okay. I hate that fact that I might not get to experience some of the things this island has to offer...that I thought I had two years left to do it all and now I've only got a couple of months IF I'm lucky.
My heart is so heavy right now. Hopefully I'll be able to pick myself back up soon...